She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
