dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
