Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
