Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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