there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
