the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
