Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
