so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
