Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
