idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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