If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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