Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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