You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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