I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
