why didn't you poke me back
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
