3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
