Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
