I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
