you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
