I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
