2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have aggressive nipples.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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