Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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