He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
