sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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