i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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