My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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