i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
