people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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