I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
