I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
