Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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