I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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