So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
BRING THE BAGELS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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