WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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