i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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