He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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