he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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