just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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