dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
