tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
