Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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