Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
