it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
