Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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