Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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