Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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