she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
