dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
