Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
