It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
