Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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