I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
