I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
