he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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