My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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