tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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