I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
