i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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