im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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