so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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