WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
