even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
