I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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