my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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