The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
